Underneath Ibiza (by guest blogger the husband, aka OH!)4th May 2016

Lizzie’s snowed under this week. We have our first influx of seasonal guests and this woman cannot just put sheets on a bed, she has to source candles that match the ‘theme’ on the sheets and roll the towels like an origami artist. She asks her guests what they will be wanting for breakfast and they actually answer honestly. Needless to say B&B season has arrived and so I thought I’d step in and write for her this week. (She told me to do that. I am OH, btw.)

I was asked to think about ‘My Ibiza’ and the best most recent experience I have had was SCUBA diving so I thought I’d tell you about that. Lizzie has always been really comfortable SCUBA diving whereas I got through a course many years ago and was relieved not to have to breath under water again. But she met this instructor through one of her friends who takes people out privately, not twenty divers packed together on a boat but just 1 or 2 or maximum 4 together, so in my head it was a few hours relaxing on a boat, interspersed with a couple of dips. It was either that or she went alone, clearly I had no choice. It was time for this beta male to step up (I have a beard, but I moisturise it).

No one looks great in a wet suit, somehow everything is emphasised, slim legs go skinny and the gentle paunch becomes a full-on belly. This would be fine if our instructor wasn’t 6 ft, to my 51/2, with artistic, meaningful tattoos, sun bleached dreadlocks and a chest length beard. Who knows if he had a belly?

With that follicular arrangement, no one got past his chin. He was that kind of rugged manly that could withstand hair longer than most of his female customers; he does ‘commercial diving’ in the winter months – I don’t know exactly what that means but it sounds dark and dangerous and classified. What I should mention is that behind all that facial hair were the most patient of eyes, an Argentinian born instructor, with perfect English, who not only knew his stuff but knew how to reassure a secretly terrified husband who needed to man-up in front of his wife. I remembered little of my course from all those years ago but Juan from Go Diving Ibiza did a succinct and relaxed refresher and had me complete some skills’ exercises in shallow water before the dive began. He made me feel confident and lucky me had my wife as a quasi assistant instructor, nodding and lip-synching most his instructions.

You’ve probably heard about Es Vedra, Ibiza’s iconic rock. It’s protected and boats cannot alight onto it. We fly over it and we sail beside it but we never touch it. So imagine the delight of this conformist, middle aged, middle class, family man when we began our dive next to it and twenty minutes later surfaced inside the mighty Es Vedra! I will never forget how the sun’s rays cascaded through narrow openings at the top of the rock onto the shallow water we found ourselves in below, our secret, illicit mission.

Diving in Ibiza isn’t Great Barrier Reef baby-blue Finding Nemo fish tank stuff. This is the beautiful Mediterranean at its most silent, its most vital; large sweeping walls of coral, hidden caves, crevices and currents and hard at work salt of the earth marine species going about their business.

Go Diving Ibiza offers a VIP service; don’t be expecting cocktails and canapés, this is whole fruits cut by the blade of the multi-purpose knife that sits permanently on the loop of Juan’s waistband and a cool box of beer and Fanta lemon. This is the other kind of VIP, that of an authentic experience led by a master of his craft, a below sea-level private tour of the true life-blood of Ibiza.

References

http://godivingibiza.com/

Pay €250 for a half day charter with 2 dives

Like most planning here in Ibiza you should definitely book ahead but with a bit of flexibility Juan will fit you in.